Western States 2018 – Conquering Fear

**Warning – Long extended version. See below for the short brief race report**

What is fear and why are we so afraid of it? Fear is an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat to us. It is something that can either cripple us or challenge us. We are given that choice to make.

Why do I talk about fear? Well I had fear going into Western States this year. Fear that my injury might come back. Fear that I wasn’t fit enough. Fear that I might fail. Fear that I might not meet expectations. Fear of the distance of running 100 miles. Plainly fear of the unknown.

I decided I was not going to let fear cripple me. I was going to challenge it. I do not want to live life in fear. My passion for running and my passion for Western States is far stronger than the fear of the unknowns. I chose to rise up and face my fears head on.

The light at the end of the tunnel. PC: Howie Stern

Here’s my story.

The Start Line (0 miles) – Walking to the start felt so surreal. Yes, it was finally happening. I couldn’t believe I was able to piece enough training together to be healthy and ready to take on the Western States 100 this year. Tears started running down my face as I stood there waiting to count down the final seconds next to Stephanie Violett, Aliza Lapierre, and Meghan Laws. Stephanie and I gave each a big hug as we both worked hard to get here ready to make this year better than the last. Meghan grabbed me and gave me a big hug and words of encouragement. It was time to climb to the top of Escarpment to have our sunrise date we had planned.

Escarpment (~4.5 miles) – Reaching the summit of Escarpment, Stephanie and I hugged and turned to see the beautiful sunrise across Lake Tahoe. We grabbed Aliza to join us in this memorable moment. It’s been a tradition that we have had since we started running the race. It’s a moment to stop, breathe, and be grateful for life and the friends among us.

PC: Victor Rodrigues

PC: Melissa Ruse

The High Country – Running in the high country is always so breathtaking. The large evergreen trees, the massive granite boulders, and views of the surrounding mountains are picturesque. I found myself settled into a pace and effort that I felt my body could sustain. I shared several miles with Aliza, Corrine, and others. As I was running I was feeling more at ease, then it happened. I tripped on a rock that sent flying forward landing hard on my left leg to keep me from falling down. It was same side that I had my pelvic fracture on. My groin instantly started to ache. Fear shot into my mind. I had thoughts that the pain would only get worse and would cause me to fail, as I still had 90+ more miles to go. I took a deep breath and challenged those thoughts by telling myself to keep going and see how it goes. I knew during training I have had pain in this area before, and it would come and go randomly. I just had to let go and have faith.

I continued on and the pain stayed at only a dull ache. It was just a little reminder to stay patient and run smart.

Reaching Duncan Canyon (24.4 miles) I met up my crew, Chris and Kristina. It was a welcoming surprise to see Sally McRae and Zac Marion there too! As I was heading out of the aid station Chris took me by the shoulders and said something that made me laugh so hard. He said he had a very important message from Miguel…in a Snoop Dogg voice he said, “Just Chiiillll”. I left laughing so hard that I tripped just a ways down the trail dropping my package of cookies…yet still laughing! I picked up my cookies and soon had another runner right behind me. I asked him his name and he said he it was Nick. Well it was great to have company and Nick was running his first Western States! We ended up chatting and the miles and time flew by. My heart and my head were both in the right place. I was so happy to be here.

Robinson’s Flat (30.3 miles) – Here I met my coach, Jason Koop, along with Andy Jones-Wilkins and the other CTS group. They both said I was looking great and running a smart race. I got what I needed and left, having a big smile on my face. I continued on to see a welcoming surprise of Dakota Jones atop one of the hills. He shouted out some positive and encouraging words as I made my way down to the start of the canyons. Here the temperature was beginning to rise.

The Canyons (43-55 miles) – Time to manage the heat. I iced down and took two bottles at Duncan Canyon ready to take on the canyons. I enjoyed sharing the climb to Devil’s Thumb with Corrine, Bob, and Kate. I actually thought it was fun! Just as we were reaching the top to Devil’s Thumb the song “Walk” by Pantera came on. It was the perfect song! “BREATHE…SPIT…WALK.” And yes, I was singing these lyrics out loud because you have to have fun! I shared more miles along with Camelia, Kate, and Nick as we made our way to Michigan Bluff.

Cooling down. PC: Allen Lucas

Michigan Bluff (mile 55) - I managed the canyons well making it to Michigan Bluff still happy and in control. I was running at the right effort for my body. I did a quick change with gear and headed on down the road to Foresthill. I caught up and shared miles and stories with Brian Oestrike, who had run The Bear the same year as me in 2016. Reaching the top of the canyon leading to Bath Road I was running again with Nick. We ran into Foresthill together. I was having such a good and fun day. Still smiling!

Coming into Foresthill! PC: Alva Voo

Foresthill (62 miles) – Here Miguel was to pace me for the final miles. I was excited to see him and my crew. We took off down the road to Cal-street in good spirits. We started making our way down to the trail when suddenly the legendary Pam Smith came upon us. She was looking so good. She and I grabbed a quick picture before she made her way down the trail. Miguel and I were moving good through Cal-1.

Picking up Miguel! PC: Ian Torrence

Then Cal-2…my nemesis. Every year one of the Cal-street sections gets me. As we were going I started feeling terrible. I felt like I couldn’t breathe well, my right hip was really starting to hurt and I was getting overheated. I had to walk/run a lot of this section. Once we got to the Cal-2 aid station I was desperate for some pain relief and asked for a couple of Tylenol. They gave me two, iced me down, and sent me on my way.

As we were making our way down to Cal-3 I started to find that I was breathing better and my hip was beginning to feel less painful. I started running well again. Then as we were getting closer to Rucky Chucky Miguel started feeling awful. He said his stomach wasn’t good and he wasn’t sure if he would be able to pace me after the river.

Once crossed the river to Green Gate embracing the cold American River water, Miguel and I made the decision that he would stop at Green Gate and go with Chris and Kristina. He said he would get himself better and be out at Pointed Rocks to pace me to the finish. This meant I had about 13+ miles to go alone in the dark. Time to be brave…because, I get scared running alone in the dark. I have this ongoing fear that a mountain lion will attack me.

Green Gate to Pointed Rocks (79.8 – 94.3 miles) – This section always seems long to me. I decided to turn my iPod on and listen to some music. This was a perfect distraction so that I wasn’t thinking about mountain lions the whole time. I ran well in this section making decent time. I played leapfrog with a few runners, Nick being one of them!

Pointed Rocks to No Hands Bridge (94.3 – 96.8 miles) – By the time I reached Pointed Rocks my right hip was back to hurting very bad. The Tylenol had worn off. I could tell it was inflammation in the bursa of the right hip. Every downhill felt like someone was stabbing a knife into my hip. However, I had zero pelvic pain! That was a huge win. I picked Miguel back up and he was feeling much better. I struggled to run all the way to No Hands Bridge, but did a lot of fast walking. We made it to No Hands and Miguel told me I had a good shot at breaking 21 hours. That was the little motivation I needed to get me running again.

Robie Point to the Auburn Track (98.9 – 100.2 miles) – I did everything I could to ignore the pain and keep running. I was focused on the goal…sub 21 hours. We pushed up Robie’s Point and to the top of the road. Here we saw the final mile sign. We had made it!! We picked up the pace and entered the stadium to embrace the long journey it had been to get here. I was overcome with joy and happiness hearing Tropical John announce my name over the loud speakers. Finishing and getting a big hug from Craig Thornley, the Western States race director, was the moment of truth. I had conquered my fear and I had won!

At the track! PC: Allen Lucas

Elation! PC:Michelle Rice

20:48:56 12^thplace female – 5^thWestern States Finish – 10^th100 mile race finished

No Fear. PC: Howie Stern

In summary I ran the perfect race I could have given my level of fitness and having to come back from injury. Not being able to train or run for months definitely made me lose a lot of strength and cardiovascular fitness. I had basically three months of training to get me prepared to run 100 miles. That is why I had to be honest, and not let myself compare or get down on myself for not being where I was in years past. And with that mindset I was able to run happy and enjoy the race!

Thank You - It is a huge appreciation to what goes into making a phenomenal race like Western States happen. Thank you Craig Thornley for your tireless enthusiasm, compassion, and commitment to the race. Thank you to all the volunteers who gave up their time to be there to support each and every runner out on the course. We couldn’t do this without you. Thank you to all the race committee, who are behind the scenes doing so much work we don’t even know about.

Thank you God for giving me the gift to run and having my faith become stronger through these trials. To my coach, Jason Koop, for providing me the support, training, and knowledge to get me ready to run Western States. To my crew, Chris and Kristina Hall, who tirelessly provide me with everything I need to make my race successful. To my family who are supportive and provide me the love and strength I need. #GrandmaStrong And to all my friends and fans…your words of good luck, encouragement, and support mean the world to me. And to my wonderful Sponsors who allow me to do what I love. This includes Altra, Squirrel’s Nut Butter, Drymax Socks, Honey Stinger, and Carmichael Training System.

Grandma Strong! PC: Lori Leonard

And a very special thank you to Miguel Ordorica. He is not only my pacer, training partner, and best friend…he is someone that is always there for me. He has given me unconditional support through the good times and the bad. I couldn’t ask for a better best friend and I truly couldn’t do this without you. Thank you!!

Race Specifics:

Shoes – Altra Timps (one pair the entire race)

Socks – Drymax Stephanie Howe edition

Kit – Altra race top/shorts/visor/ice hat/ice bandana

Hydration – 2 Nathan 20 oz handhelds

Nutrition – M&M’s, Keebler Cookies, small packages of mini Kit Kats and Reese’s, potatoes w/ salt, Honey Stinger Waffles, crackers, watermelon, chocolate covered espresso beans, animal crackers. (First race I ate only real food…no gels)

Fluid – Water, Lemon-Lime Gatorade, Coke and Mountain Dew.

Anti-chafe - Squirrel’s Nut Butter

Watches - Garmin 910XT then Garmin Fenix5

Western States…I can’t believe I’ve made it.

What a journey this has been. My thoughts and emotions are raw as I sit here and type this. To be honest my eyes are welling up, my throat is tight, and my stomach feels like it has a ‘pit’ in it. I am beyond grateful at this moment to be healthy and ready to run the Western States 100. If you haven’t figured it out by now, this is my most favorite race and it means so much to me to be a part of it.

If you are just catching up to what happened to me last October I will give you a quick rundown. On October 22, 2017 I was running a 50K trail race and sustained an injury during the final half mile of the race. An MRI showed that I had a complete facture in my lateral superior pelvic rami and a stress fracture in my inferior pelvic rami (basically I broke my pelvis). I was to be non-weight bearing for 4 weeks followed by several weeks of minimal activity. It took me up until February to actually start running again (on an anti-gravity treadmill). I didn’t start running outside full weight bearing until March. Since then I have gradually increased my training load under diligent guidance of my physical therapist, coach, and doctor.

A constant reminder I saved on my phone.

It was exactly one month after my injury I was given one of the coveted spots to run Western States by the Ultra-Trail World Tour. I knew right then that I had to become focused on recovery. I had this opportunity and I was not about to waste it. Thankfully this meant I did not have to rush my recovery in order to race for a Golden Ticket, which was a huge relief.

Reflecting back just 6-months ago when I was unable to run and barely able to walk, I was uncertain if I was even going to be healthy enough to run 1 mile let alone 100 miles. The future looked so bleak at times, but I kept the faith and continued to believe that if there is a will, there is a way…so they say. In time I was able to start running on the anti-gravity treadmill. I’ll never forget that first time at the 17:00 minute mark crying because the feeling of running again felt so powerful. It took over a month of physical therapy and running on the anti-gravity treadmill before I was able to run outside at full body weight.   

The anit-gravity treadmill

When I first started running outside again I had pain in my groin with every step. The pain would go from a dull ache to random sharp pains. If it became too sharp, I would end my run. Then I would typically have to take a day or two off before I could run again. The dull pain persisted, but I worked through it knowing that as long as it wasn’t sharp it would be ok since it had been over 13-weeks since the injury. And bone heals between 10-12 weeks and actually becomes stronger than it was previously.

I basically had to retrain myself to run again. After using the anti-gravity treadmill and using the Arc-Trainer (like an elliptical) my stride was short and choppy. It took me about 2-weeks before I finally felt like I could stride out normally. During my transitioning to full weight bearing I suddenly became extremely anemic. My hemoglobin in just two weeks went from a healthy 14.0 to an unhealthy 7.2. That drastic drop took all my energy away. My runs suffered and so did I. The sudden drop in my hemoglobin was caused by a couple of factors. One being hemolysis (foot strikes caused a destruction of my red blood cells). The second being my own fault of not taking my iron supplement or eating iron rich foods. It took a good 3-4 weeks of taking iron 2-3 times a day, adding in red meat and fortified foods such as Cream of Wheat into my diet, and cooking in a cast iron skillet to slowly rebuild my red blood cells. I am still on the low end of normal, but I will not let myself neglect my iron ever again.

Finally, in April I started to feel more like myself. I decided to test my fear and sign up for my first race since the injury. It was the Free State Marathon in Kansas. This scared me more than running my first 100-mile race had. I knew if something would cause my injury to return, that I would not be able to run Western States. I had to test my body and trust that whatever happens, happens. It ended up really testing me because the rain came down on my second half of the race causing the mud to stick to my shoes. The weight of my shoes was going to pull on my injury site and if it was going to fail…this would cause it. I had only a minor pain here and there, but nothing constant or to the point of stopping. I finished the race overcome with joy and gladness. I made one big step towards my goal.

Photo Credit: Mile90photography

Soon after I talked to my coach, Jason Koop, and we came up with a solid yet flexible training plan. I did a similar final build up like years in the past, but a little dialed back. I’ve also taken more days off than I typically ever have in all the years of running, but I was listening to my body and being patient. I wasn’t going to risk any setbacks.

Now with only having 5-days until I start my 5th consecutive Western States 100, I know I have done everything I can with the amount of time I’ve been given to be as ready and able to run 100 miles as best as I can. I am starting this race full of gratitude, thankfulness, and a new inner-strength that I have grown since recovering from my injury. I am taking this journey from Squaw Valley to Auburn to celebrate life, health, and the ability to run free. Here’s to a great day full of memories and adventure!! 

Thank you everyone who has been with me on this long road to recovery. You have no idea how much your words, messages, and thoughts have meant to me. Please know that I take each of those messages to heart and they have helped me heal. I am dedicating my 2018 Western States race to all of you!! 

Photo Credit: Gary Dougherty

With Love,

Kaci AKA Pixie Ninja

xoxo